Pink Marshmallow

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21/03/2024

Diary of a Sick Girl

I initially only started creating art as a way of expressing my thoughts, feelings and daily struggles, both physical and psychological, whilst unwell.

I recently realized I've been creating more and more artwork based around Alice in Wonderland. It's not difficult to see why...I haven't been well at all...my health has been declining over the past couple of years, but even more drastically for the last few months, to the point where it's a daily struggle, and we've reached a point where we're once again faced with the decision of whether inpatient or community treatment would be more appropriate.

Whether my illness can be effectively and safely managed in the community has been a long exhausting discussion (since November to be exact). And every couple of days, new symptoms pop up and this can be scary and distressing. I can feel myself fading away.

I am scared, both of hospital, and of getting to a point of feeling even worse.

I feel stuck, helpless, unable to change anything.

I hate being in the dark.

I hate not knowing what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month...

My physical health has taken a massive toll on my happiness and mental wellbeing too... being autistic makes expressing my thoughts and experiences even harder...

... hence, I'm starting this special series called the "Illustrated Diary of a Sick Girl"

Buckle up, because this could be a rabbit hole... where are we about to land?

Somewhere fantastical? Or are we about to fall free-fall at thousands of miles per hour for god-knows-how-long before we reach this wonderful fantasy world?

Part of the reason why I've been creating so much Alice in Wonderland-themed artwork (despite the the fact that I'm not an avid reader, and haven't even read the entire collection...sorry, Lewis Carroll!!) is that I feel like I'm being pulled down a rabbit hole right now...and I'm constantly drowned in thoughts...and the whimsical nature is a reflection of my mind. The Mad Hatter pretty much reflects my health and my life right now...and the Cheshire Cat mirrors the cheeky side of me.